Bittersweet

Both the kids have decided to return to the public school system this next year.

The little one has an intense desire for his own friends (all the kids on our street are at least 3 years older...or 4 years younger). So off to kindergarten for him. Okay. I GET that.

But the older one...school was soo hard for him. He was so BORED. He cried at the thought of going into the building. "Don't you want to go see your friends?" was never enough to get him to go. Many mornings I had to almost carry him inside. And then all the late slips, because we were out front crying and arguing...he has decided he misses his friends. So, he wants to return. ergh.

Did I fail him? Did I let our goals get in the way of real learning (zoo, aquarium, science center..) Yes to that. I feel as if I have failed him. He needs more schedule and more micro-managing than I can give.

How long before he cracks again? If he does, what do I do? I have already told him that in addition to school homework, he will have to continue some of our homeschool work. History & literature specifically. But also Art and I really want to drive home French this year. And then there's guitar. It will be a busy year.

All the more reason to keep eating well. On the bright side, I will get 2.5 hours to myself four times a week and the opportunity to walk a couple of miles each day...so that's good.

But I feel guilty for having the opportunity to taste the life I had before the kids (i.e. kid-free hours). I feel as if I am relinquishing duty because I have failed and been demoted...not cast aside because they are comfortable with themselves & want to strike their own paths....arggggh!