The pain hurts. My chest is on fire. Motion from my abdomen moves upwards, but stops in my chest. Nothing moves from chest to throat. Throat is tight, closed on its own. No movement from there either. Breathing is so shallow, I begin to get dizzy.
So strong a day ago, an hour ago.
He didn't dominate my conversation for once. At dinner I was simply me. And then, I went looking. And I found what I was looking for.
A photo. Of the two of them. Confirmation of a long-suspected cheat. Does it count since he doesn't live here anymore? It does to me. Its dishonest to not admit it. He brushes her under the rug when he talks to me.
I can feel them laughing behind my back.
I have lost friends because of this. Friendships I ended because they knew. They knew and didn't tell me. Wouldn't tell me. Even when I asked. I thought I could trust them.
I can feel them laughing behind my back.
I can see why people cut themselves. To have the skin pop open and release the tension...it all makes perfect sense to me now. I seethe with pain. I will fight him at every step to get what I want. No one replaces my position in the family before the eyes of MY children. Usurped? A woman scorned. I can kill with a look. He will pay for this transgression over lifetimes.
I can see them laughing behind my back.
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